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When I approach my wife in any way, she tells me to get away from her. She even tells me I am bugging her when I try to kiss her. She says intimacy is not worth it to her. Even when we were intimate, it was far and few between. She refuses to talk to me about it or give me any reasons. I love her but am torn. I just want her. What can I do? This is a very serious problem and I am glad you wrote to me about it. Lack of intimacy in a marriage usually leads to a troubled marriage, and in many cases can be the cause of divorce.
Except for rare medical cases when a person is physically unable to have sex, in my opinion it is never alright for a spouse to permanently withhold intimacy from his or her partner. Sex is a basic, natural instinct. Humans are social creatures who need closeness and intimacy to survive and thrive. If you and your wife want your marriage to survive, you will need to talk about what is going on with her.
Avoiding the subject or refusing to talk about it is not an option. I get the feeling that you also avoid the subject as long as you can. You need to first evaluate the situation for yourself, then try to communicate with your wife, and finally come up with a resolution that is acceptable to both of you. I am surprised that you have allowed this to continue for three years before you have reached out and asked someone.
There are questions I want you to ask yourself before you try to bring up the subject with your wife. If your wife is willing to communicate with you, then the first issue you need to address are the reasons why your wife is refusing sex and intimacy. I am going to list the reasons I see commonly when a spouse is withholding sex.
They can apply to either spouse in a marriage, but since you asked the question, I am using the woman as the example of the person withholding sex. These are not in any particular order, they are just reasons I have run into in my practice. For each reason, I am recommending how to proceed. In most cases, there is more than one underlying cause to the prolem, so her reasons are probably a combination of some of the examples below:.
Unless you are willing to live with the way thing are, then it is time to make some decisions and some changes. Ideally, you and your wife are both invested in this marriage and will want to work it out.
In that case, you two need to find out what is going on that is causing this rift between the two of you, and how to bring the two of you back together. Self-awareness on both sides, and communication between the two of you are both essential if this marriage is going to work. You may end up each needing individual therapy and couples therapy to save your marriage. You both need to find out why she has withdrawn from you and why you have tolerated it for so long. There is the possibility that your wife is unwilling to communicate.
Then you must find out whether or not you are willing to live with her. Ultimately, it may be that your wife is not invested in this marriage and is not willing to do her part to maintain a healthy relationship.
If this is the case, then you need to find out, and you need to decide on your own whether or not you are willing to live with a spouse that is not interested in having a healthy relationship with you. This is a tough issue to work with, and my heart goes out to you. I am hoping that there is an underlying reason that your wife is rejecting you, and that once this reason is discovered, it can be worked on.
I hope for a healthy resolution for you. For Part Two of this article, click here. Should I move on… There is one child who is 16 years old as well in the house The Son and her sleep in one room and I Sleep in another so strange…What to Do? He plays video games all day and my wife watches Tv by her self…… Dysfunctional to say the least…………………. I came home after three and a half years Under water on submarines, Its actually worse than incarceration with no contact or sun not even any word from any one for three years as the rest of the crews I served with got in the form of a family gram.
When I was asked to reup I was sick of being singled out for every emergency replacement on other boats. So The only half hour I was allowed to talk to my wife when they came down for thanksgiving I told her, my mother and father that I was not reenlisting. I already had orders to report to the west coast.
My father wife and mother left for the mid west. It was with an auto manufacturer building transmissions, I had the contract book in hand telling me the rights and seniority I had were now at nine years seniority with my honorable discharge and I had more than sixty percent of the work force, I had so many hopes when I came home only to have everything thrown in my face by my wife, family and the community, My greeting was not from an anxious glad wife when I arrived at my fathers front door that morning.
My greeting was a note from my father to take the sofa. I wanted some time to have a honey moon with my wife and get set up with a place to live before going back. It was coming down to an all out fight with him over my defiance starting in my first words to him and my mother got between us and begged me to just do as my father wanted.
That first capitulation on my part started the next 28 years of my enslavement.. I was put directly on to second shift that evening without even seeing my wife. I got off the next morning tired and was going home at 3: I again was greeted by the same stinking note. My father thought the next morning I was going to go look for a place to live without her and put the I was discharged with in the bank, I was also bloody hungry since I had not had any thing since leaving the boat but coffee.
That was five days before. So this time I stood my ground when he punched me in the face screaming I did not have to have my wife around to chose a place to live just hit the bricks. MY reaction was to grab his shirt front and trap him against the ceiling of his living room. I was yelling back if I had to I would use his dead body as a wreaking bar until I found my wife as I tore bulkheads out with him.
My mother, brother and sister as well as my wife were begging me to put my father down. She was supposed to remain out of sight until they felt they had full control on me. The state had just ensured I would never be able to rid myself of her.
The next day that hope was ended after I put my shift preference in the evening before for day shift. We went to military relocation and arranged for delivery of the things I had shipped from south Carolina while I had discharged, Got the utilities arranged as well as cable and phone.
It was the person I was bumping to seconds and her mother. I did not even know who I was bumping and frankly cared less. It was an area managers Daughter in my plant with six months seniority to my nine years. Just nine months before she was high school homecoming queen and looking to daddy to get her a good job. This pretty 19 year old blond was crying on my fathers shoulder about his mean son taking her shift and was going to trash her life. HE comes into my house the next day after I trapped them in the drive, I had my wife things ready to go and the Guardianship ready to go to.
The Jerk swept my cane and laughed asking my wife how had she ever ended up with me the pathetic looser in life. I fractured his scull and broke most the bones above mid chest after hitting him in the head with my thrown cane. I also slapped my wife across the room when she tried to stop me. I decided that That was not going to happen until she kept the first one made to me in our marriage 31 years before.
I had sweated, bleed and been exhausted for years and she played on my dime. Now she owed me, and I was going to collect even if I broke her in half. I did not give her the choice that evening about sex. Then I started on my fathers friend 45 minutes latter as I tried to put him through my father and mothers windshield from my deck.
He instead hit face first in the drive. I do not apologize for any thing that evening, he tired BSing me about being a mayors aid and had the right to enter any place he wanted in the city. Then when I shot back I wanted to see a badge and warrant first he shoved me saying out of my way crip. So that was why he went on his flight. From that evening on I have hit first and not allowed the first interference. My wife sits and says all she wanted was peace and I just cause is grief.
Am real sorry for the gentleman; I have the same predicament but I have very beautiful lady we are doing sufficient twice a week. Guy move on and salvage yourself. I am a female who has the problem. I have a low sex drive. Sex was never brought up in my house, and I last I know I have a mild case of depression. I think that has been going on since I was a child, but no one seems to care.
Along with other possible issues…. I definitely feel everything is my fault and I am a very unhappy person. Also, I have talked with therapist with horrible responses. I need to find someone who is going to help, not just talk and see it is not natural. Sexual intercourse is physically easy for a woman.
All she has to do is to be cooperative and at least warm toward her husband. Or suddenly ask him if he got the garbage out. At least she shows that she cares enough to receive him. My wife has this time announced that she has no interest in intercourse or even intimacy beyond snuggling in bed./p>
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Swingers wants orgasm quick fuck Athabasca I have been in a marriage similar to the relationship you described, and it produced much heartache. I am now free to find myself, travel the world, etc.
I am about to be 27 and can tell you that each person needs to assess and do what is right for themselves, and that I lived through the breakup even when I thought it would kill me. Doing the right and thing is not always easy. I know that coming from an abusive and broken home there were things I found acceptable in men and relationships which were NOT OK. As my self-esteem grew through counseling, etc. Anyone who is worth your time be on-board with your goals!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the people who insinuate that you are a prostitute, etc. Anyone who has nothing better to do than sit around online and criticize others anonymously few would be so brazen as to do it in person, in real life, I assure you is not anyone who deserves a fair hearing. Their lives are probably quite dismal and it is best to ignore them.
You aren't argue with ignorance or insanity, unfortunately. It is great you are going to school. It is better to look at these problems now than figure them out a million years down the road with, etc.
There is also nothing wrong with letting someone take care of you and that does not make you a prostitute. Just remember that if you choose to do so, certain things be expected in return from certain types of men the cleaning, etc.
I decided I'd rather be broke and alone than in an unhealthy marriage, and now, years later, I am glad that I did, wiser for the experience, and have a much richer life.
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